It is the week before Christmas and I sit down to write this as a mother about to see her son make a sacrifice. It has become apparent to me that I have been selfish. I am a mother who doesn't like to share her kids. I have always been exceedingly aware of how short a time I have with my children, from the moment that they entered my life.  When each of my 3 boys was born I immediately thought, if there is a war the Government has the right to take them from me through the draft. I know.... just a tad melodramatic. J1 is my first and he came into this world under difficult circumstances. The pregnancy caused toxemia, causing an early delivery that almost killed him. Which makes this all the more painful, as I send him out into the world, to in a way give him back to the Lord, for His use.
I am like Hannah of old who prayed for a healthy child, promising I would raise him up to the Lord for His service. Well the time to pay is now, and I am having a hard time. J1 does his part and like a good little bird is pushing me so I will push him out  of the nest. I want every moment to be one of me holding that little child in my arms.  This is not to be. I am so sad and yet so joyous at the same time. Is that even possible? It is part of my culture to raise our children to succeed and to jump early. A mission is one way they do this. They jump from our arms to the Lord's. I know he will catch him if J1 just asks and opens his arms.
 A mission for the church of Jesus Christ of latter-day saints is a BIG deal. It is a defining moment in our children's lives. It is something we do, it is part of who we are. It is expected and it is a let down if it isn't achieved.  It is a sacrifice of time, money, and energy and years of preparation. All this because we love what our Savior Jesus Christ did for us so much we want the whole world to partake of the blessing of knowing Him.  Life is happier knowing who you are and knowing you have a purpose.
As Christmas rolls around the corner and J1 prepares to leave for his mission I can't help but see the parallel of my life and Mary's. Who also gave her son to the world.  She must have felt apprehension even knowing who he was. He is all powerful and yet he is still her baby. That little infant who was born in a stable under difficult circumstances, surrounded by farm animals in a smelly barn. I can't imagine it any other way. I'm sure she could have.
Mary and Joseph raised Jesus with the knowledge of who He was and they still worried. He is the Savior the Son of God the Father and they were worried when they couldn't find him on a return journey.
My husband and I raised J1 with the knowledge of who he was. He knows he comes from people of faith who honor the name Jesus. He knows he comes from people who don't quite and put their all into what they are doing. He knows he is royalty as he is a son of God the Father above. As such he can do anything with this knowledge.
I trust my father in heaven and will put my trust in Him. My prayer is not that J1's trials will be gone. It is, that they will make him stronger. That they will make him closer to his Heavenly Father. They will make him who he is.  J1 can do this and so can I. It is time.